Welcome Freshmen

I started college at the University of California in Riverside that fall of 2002. It did not really feel too different except that my classes were sparse, and I had to drive myself to and from school forty minutes each way, everyday.

I found my niche quickly. More accurately, I found a group to hang out with. It was long before I found my college self. I soon developed a routine for my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and a separate routine for my Tuesdays and Thursdays. All I did that year was go to school, go to some club meetings to see some friends, and then go home and study. On weekends, I would hang out with old high school friends, so I also developed a routine for that.

There were plenty of new faces to see and meet, new girls to like, and many different cultures and peoples to adapt to. Most of the time, however, I would simply mind my own business as I walked the campus, ignoring all of the fraternity and sorority members handing out flyers for their upcoming parties. I tried not to interact with the students whenever I was out of class because I did not want anything to interfere with my first year of studies. College was expensive so I was not about to waste my time, even if the university was paying for my tuition fees.

All of my old acquaintances disappeared. My true friends were the only ones I kept contact with. With new people surrounding me, I was able to experience a new environment with incredible comfort. Also, with such a huge population, I was able to develop new crushes.

One of my crushes was this one fair-skinned girl with glasses of whom I saw plenty of on a daily basis. Our paths crossed many times in between classes. She would be walking with a backpack and some books in hand, never having noticed me. At one time, I believe that we even attended the same club meeting; however, there was no real moment when we were able to interact with each other.

It was during the winter and spring quarters of 2003 when I saw her most. During the spring quarter, the organization with which I was involved held a joint even with a hip-hop dance troupe and another smaller organization, which involved a basketball tournament and a dance competition. It was among the many events where I volunteered as an active member.

On the night of the dance competition, I finally found myself with nothing to do, having been assigned to guard the door and distribute programs for the start of the night. When I finally sat down, I saw a group of dancers take the stage, representing a branch of the local Chinese student group. The reason I remember noticing them is because of the girl that was involved in the dance routine—it was the same girl whom I had been noticing for months. She was apparently a member of the modern dance group.

I watched in amazement as she showcased her choreographed moves along with her fellow members. From what I recall, her group did not win, but she was the only one that I noticed that night. Automatically, I assumed Chinese-descent for her because of her affiliation, but I still knew nothing about her; I did not know her name, who she hung out with, or where she was from. I did not even know her level of education.

It was not until the following school year when I finally met her face to face, once I became a member of the local Pilipino organization’s cabinet.

I was not able to realize the relationship of this interesting encounter with the entire narration until we finally interacted with each other. She seemed like such an innocent person, unconnected to me. Little did I know, however, that she was to play a major role towards the finishing touches on my little love story. Once I found out who she really was, I realized that maybe there was such a thing as fate, at least in my situation.

Unending Cycle

What happened thereafter was only a repeat of the past. I called Jackie and she would talk to me for a little bit. Then, she would have to go because her sister or mom had to use the phone, or some other reason. I would do it again the next day, but after a few calls and short conversations, I would stop calling.

Something would then recharge my brain and give me a reason to call her again. The same things would happen. I called, she talked, and then she went. I would give up just because I no longer saw any point in calling if there was nothing happening because of it.

That cycle continued for the most part of the remainder of the year. My junior year of high school began with the same cycle happening over and over. And so that was the year 2000.

Towards the end of that year, and around the first few days of 2001, I suddenly remembered that Jackie’s birthday was coming up again. I wondered to myself whether I should do something; maybe I should get her another present or maybe just give her another call. I then realized that I should probably just send her a birthday card—nothing too significant.

I visited the local Hallmark store and picked one out. I signed it after having written a few lines that I thought would be relevant to say to her. I do not remember exactly what I wrote, but I do recall that it had a certain tone towards it that made it quite obvious what I was still thinking about.

I sent the card to her home address, which was still in one of my notebooks after having written it down to go to her birthday party the year before. I waited for a response and went about my business.

A day or two after I sent the birthday card, I received an email from Jackie. That was a typical response from her—the email. She never once called me in return or made any other form of contact except for an email. This time around, however, “You’ve got mail!” was not my afternoon greeting. AOL was out of the house. MSN was the new provider. There were no more chat rooms to meet new people and only a few old “buddies” remained on the list.

Apparently, Jackie received the card the day after I sent it. Snail-mail was actually really fast—that was what went on in my head as I opened the message. It was a short letter of her surprise as to what was still inside my heart. I could not forget her and still hoped that there was more to our relationship. She realized that after having read the birthday message and did not know what to do, I suppose.

After that, we chatted more online, but not excessively. We shared a few words every now and again, and then I called her again, just like it was protocol. Again, nothing happened. We never met in person again. We just infrequently chatted or conversed over the phone. But, like all the other times, I got tired of nothing happening. I stopped calling and she stopped showing up online. That was just how it was: on and off. When it was on, however, it was just dim.

At one time, I actually remember asking her out on a date. She said yes, but with my luck and her nature, which I could not understand, the date never happened. She ended up taking a rain check on me because of having to go visit her grandmother, I think. I suspected that she was lying, but I could not confirm it. I just had to trust her words, as I always did. I never brought it up again after that.

My junior year of high school passed, and the cycle continued, except that the occurrences happened farther and farther apart from each other. It had been my toughest high school year, taking a myriad of advanced placement courses to join the other over-achievers. I came out of it with aces, and then got another free summer of idleness.

During my senior year, the cycle continued, but it happened less and less—I probably only called her twice or a few times that year. The conversations were so insignificant that I cannot even remember if I really did call her at all.

At the end of the year, around the month of May, badminton season had ended and our team held a banquet. I had been on the team for the last three years of my high school career. It was fun and I was better at it than basketball. I know it may be a “nerdy” sport by U.S. standards, but the way we played made it highly competitive. Anyway, the banquet was held at a Japanese restaurant called Tokyo Tokyo, two exits down the freeway from our high school.

I attended with my doubles partner and best friend Christian. The rest of the team came as well. No one had been absent. It was quite an interesting lunch because of a few new things that happened just recently. My friend Christian had hooked up with one of the younger members of the team named Nancy who had been a year under us. Her friend, Mary-Anne, on the other hand, had this crush on me. The reason I knew that was because of two things: my friend Christian had told me by way of Mary-Anne’s confession to him, and then Mary-Anne had told me herself. That relationship is another story, however.

While sitting at the banquet waiting for our food to be served, I was joined by Mary-Anne, who sat to my right, purposely. I felt somewhat uncomfortable around her initially because she had annoyed me earlier that season, talking with Christian as an excuse to get near me. I did not know exactly how I was supposed to interact with her, with both of us knowing that she liked me.

To avoid any awkward conversation and fill the air, I grabbed my cell phone and called Jackie. We had started talking again just around that time, so the call was routine, although out of the blue.

Jackie picked up the phone and asked who it was. After I explained who was calling, she then informed me that she was quite busy—she was going to watch a movie with her friend. Her friend, as it turned out, was a guy by the name of George maybe; I do not recall his name, but it really did not matter. After a few words of “Hello” and “How are you?” Jackie reminded me that she had been busy and was actually about to leave. She said that she’d call back, or maybe she had asked me to call her back. I just accepted her request to hang up and informed her that I would call her back.

After I hung up the phone, however, the first thing that I thought about was not calling her back. That had become the last straw with me. I was not angry with the matter; I was simply tired of it. I took the message that she was pushing me away, or avoiding me somehow, so I gave her her space. If she did not want anything to do with me, then I was going to grant her her wish. I resolved with myself that I was not ever going to call her again—ever. That was to be the last time that I ever dialed her number.

I went back to our little banquet and found some things to have fun about. I told myself that I was going to forget her from that moment on and live my life without ever thinking about her again. It had been the only real resolution that I had ever agreed to uphold. Nothing was going to make me undo my resolve.

That was what I thought, however, because once I started college that fall of 2002, I came into the university not realizing that life was inherently unpredictable. Little did I know that I was about to be handed some fruit from the tree of knowledge.

The Most Unforgettable Memory

I lost contact with both Adrienne and Jackie from that point on. I no longer chatted with either of them online nor did I ever call Jackie thereafter. The only thing I thought about the rest of the year was anything that pertained to finishing my sophomore year of high school. I got through the remaining months of school relatively unscathed, except for a two-week relationship with another girl who lived even farther away from me than Adrienne did—Philadelphia; I broke off that relationship for the reasons that I had been just a rebound and it was only a relationship in name and not in practice.

The summer came and I was free to do anything again, as long as they were within my parameters as a fifteen-year-old. I hung out at the mall and chilled with friends during the summer months. We frequented Jack-in-the-Box and watched miscellaneous movies. There was nothing simpler, especially for me who had no other obligations except to live. I also had to attend summer school at the local community college, but only as preparation for AP Chemistry during my upcoming junior year. The other over-achieving students did the same. That class had been so easy for me that one of the older students in the class thought that it had been my major, but I informed him that I was still just a high school student.

My weekend routine had stayed the same: wait for someone to call with any hint of a plan and then roll with the punches. One time my friend Justin had called (or maybe it was the other way around). He and a few other friends, Mike and Patrick, were going to hang out at the mall and literally just do nothing there. In some ways, the four of us, along with a few other friends, had become the new, younger generation “F.O.B. squad” at the school. The word “F.O.B.” had been created in reference to people who had been “fresh off the boat,” meaning immigrants. At that time, it referred to the Filipinos who did not hang out with the larger “Filipino American” group, and those who spoke the language and otherwise were the “gangsters.” I was far from considering myself a “gangster,” but I had been close to the original group since before my brother had graduated at the end of my freshman year. My group took his group’s place as they all left.

I do not recall how exactly I got to the mall, but it must have either been Mike or Justin who picked me up. Patrick had already been at the mall with his girlfriend Stephanie, and we were to meet them up in front of the movie theaters connected to the main mall. It had been around sunset when we arrived and the tall shadows of the buildings shaded the walkway towards the theater entrance.

After having met up with Patrick and Stephanie, Stephanie then decided to go into the movie theaters to check on a few things. She had just recently been hired and had a few questions to ask the friendly folks of AMC Theaters. Because Patrick and Justin had been busy talking with each other, Mike and I were directed to look after Stephanie, so we followed her into the main lobby of the theater.

Stephanie entered the many doors before us. Mike walked ahead of me to open up a door and let me walk through first. I obliged his action and walked in behind Stephanie who had started talking to someone at the front desk. Mike followed behind and stood to my right, just a meter or two directly behind Stephanie. A few others walked in to actually watch a movie while a couple more people crowded the front counter.

On both sides of us, there had been nylon barriers preventing guests from freely walking to their desired movie without first presenting their tickets. To our left, however, were two females: one was a worker and another a potential worker or someone with a complaint. The theater employee had bent over the counter, which had been waist-high, in order to show some paperwork to the other young woman standing to her right, which was my left. Mike noticed this as well, obviously keeping an eye on our friend Stephanie with his peripheral vision.

Once Mike saw what I had been looking at, he actually let out a silent “hey” which prompted me to look at him for a second, though barely rotating my head. At this point, I may have already been staring for at least a minute or two.

A moment after Mike’s realization of the beautiful girl behind the nylon barrier, the very subject of our attention looked up towards the young lady standing beside her. Then, as if something had triggered her to notice, she looked in our direction. At first, this action surprised us both as we had been caught staring, but that was not what induced the most reaction out of Mike. The young worker tilted her head a bit, smiled, then waved hello in our direction. To be more specific, however, she waved in my direction. This caused Mike to say, “Oh,” and move back a half step. He looked at me, who had smiled back immediately with a slight nod, and then realized that I had known her.

Immediately, my heart started pumping faster and faster. I seemed to have gotten nervous when I realized exactly what was going on. When I first walked through the theater doors, it had already begun, but by the time she waved at me, my blood was rushing all throughout my body at an uncontrollable pace.

It was the first time that I was seeing Jackie in such a long period of time. I realized at that moment that I still had feelings towards her, and then everything else came rushing back. Oddly though, the bad things in my memory had been filtered out. I was just filled with great happiness and elation at the sight of her.

Before she finished her business at the counter, we were already walking out with Stephanie leading the way. We all went with our business after that, but I do not remember what exactly that business was. It was possible that we all walked into the mall and sat at the food court for a moment, and then visited GameWorks, which was adjacent to both the food court and the theaters. Of course, it was possible that all that time I just stayed outside with one of them, talking about something.

The late summer sun had set long before that and from what I recall it was nearing ten o’clock. All of the lights had turned on and a small line had formed at the exterior door of GameWorks. I walked outside next to one of the concrete benches that also served as a plant-holder. The bench had been facing one of AMC’s alternate exits. Justin walked with me. By then, Mike, Stephanie, and Patrick were inside the food court doing something else. The next thing I remember was Jackie running out from AMC and towards the main entrance of GameWorks. Justin noticed this also and made a comment that had something to do with me talking to her and Jackie being lonely. I cannot remember exactly what he said, but I do remember that he still liked how Jackie looked and persisted with me to hook him up with her if I was not going to do so myself. As she ran by, she noticed Justin and I walking, causing her to lock eyes with me for a split second.

Moments later, she walked out of GameWorks, still in uniform. As she walked towards me, Justin walked away, giving us some privacy. We greeted each other with a hug, as if we had known each other for a while, which we had, except discontinuously. We sat on one of the concrete benches and began to talk.

Facing an alternate exit to the theaters, I sat with a leg resting on the other while Jackie sat to my left cross-legged as children do during kindergarten story-time. Then, we just started talking. The conversational topics elude me, but I just remember feeling joy being next to her. Even now, remembering that moment, I yearn for something similar.

We probably sat there and talked for half an hour. She had apparently been running towards GameWorks to help her cousins with something. At that time she was on her break, so she decided to talk to me. Also, while we were talking, we noticed some people trying to enter the theaters through the alternate exit—it had become common for people to try to sneak into AMC that way. In the end, however, they were unsuccessful because someone from the inside had spotted them. Jackie paid them little attention because she knew that they were going to get caught anyway, especially if they were going to use that door to try sneaking in.

I forget the details but I do not forget the moment. My heart kept pounding in my chest, and that had been the only time up until that point in my life that I had that sort of experience. Before that, I thought that people’s hearts only beat faster in movies and television. Since I experienced it for myself, I became a believer.

I began calling her again after that. I think she even had a new screen name once we started chatting again. It was like the old days, when I used to call her at night and she would talk to me for some time then she would have to go for some reason or another. It was almost as if we had not skipped a beat when we restarted our friendly relationship. This time around, I had hoped for a better ending.