Waiting

So we talked. What did we talk about? We talked about the things teenagers talked about—stuff. What I remember talking most about with Jackie, though, was her boyfriend.

We were both unavailable then, so it was easier to talk about that type of thing. It was a little more comfortable speaking with each other also since we knew that there could not possibly be anything between us. As for me, I felt a little safer knowing that she had a boyfriend and I could not do anything about it. It meant that I could stop thinking about how I liked her, because no matter what she had someone else already.

It was March of 2000 when we started talking more on the phone. What interested me most about our conversations was that they were mostly about how bad of a boyfriend she had. There was something inside of me that hoped she would end it with him so that maybe I would have a chance again. That was such a stupid thought, however, because I was still with Adrienne. How could I possibly have thought that way? But, the fact of the matter was that I did think that way.

I listened to her every word when she spoke over the telephone. I cherished every moment of it, and, like I always had up to that point, I wished those conversations would never end. (What a good boyfriend I was, huh?)

I just let her talk about anything she wanted, and most of the time it was about her significant other who seemed as if he was never there. I felt like I listened to her more than he ever did. Maybe that was true—only she can say. Like usual, though, our conversations never lasted for long. She would have to go for some reason and I would have to call her back some other time, even though she told me that she would call me back immediately.

Every time I heard her voice talking about how bad of a boyfriend she had, I kept wishing and wishing that they would split. I waited. I knew it was inevitable. From how she spoke, I felt that they would not last. She seemed frustrated. I knew she deserved better than him.

Towards the end of the month, I felt the moment coming ever closer. She was growing more upset by his actions, or more accurately, his in-action. Then, one day, during one of our typical conversations, she told me: they had broken up.

It was about time, I thought.

Then, just as fast as they had broken up, my feelings for her returned. Of course, they had been there all along, rooting for the demise of her supposedly bad relationship. Unlike after her birthday party, however, I controlled myself more. I did not have an immediate urge to break it off with my own girlfriend. That would have been hasty and stupid. And, although I was socially stupid back then, I used a little restraint and let her have her space for a while.

I still talked to her over the phone on a regular basis, still listening with my undivided attention. But, since her break-up, I felt like I wanted to know her even more—be even closer to her. I kept my cool and did not change my demeanor when we spoke, but deep down inside, I was jumping with joy knowing that we were still cool with each other even though she was single again and that maybe I again had a chance.