Sunny Rain

After ending our correspondence with each other, I was inspired to write some more, albeit it took some time before I actually put these words to paper. Just like how I originally found solace in poetic retreat after we first lost contact with each other with our “falling out,” I again turned to poetry to let off some heat. What came out of my head is what follows—a glimpse into my mind after finally having some of my last few words with Jackie:

It’s like rain on a sunny day,
‘Cause when I look in your eyes,
I realize I was treated a bad way.
You did it, purposely.
Was it to hurt me?
Or was there another reason why I just could not see?
The hate in your eyes or the fault that I did?
I thought that thing we had was just so candid,
Until you handed me my heart back in a platter,
And when it splattered on the ground it made a sound,
That’s when I found out:
It wasn’t my fault, I wasn’t to blame.
It turned out that you were the one left ashamed
To be around me
But when you met me, it wasn’t like that,
Until we evolved and moved on from internet chats.
But I won’t take it back, ‘cause those were the best times:
The times that we spent, not the times that we didn’t.
But, even if I did, I would do it again,
‘Cause not giving you a chance is like committing a sin.
I can’t deny it.
Even when I try to hide it, I get excited.
Even when I try to suppress it, I cannot fight it
All the voices all in my head just couldn’t keep quiet.
Then they metamorphosed
To something bigger and bigger—all of the things to remember,
But I grew stronger and stronger till I remembered no more.
When you’re no longer insane, somebody mentions her name,
So then the cycle remains, and again the same game.
Damn! What am I to do, when I see you?
In the crowd amongst the people that I hold true?
Not you, I’m talking ‘bout the people around you,
Thinking back to the times when I thanked God I found you.
Not anymore, but let me think it again:
Do I really want to take you back as a good friend?
I don’t want you to do what you did to me back then,
Taking my heart back to the grave that you buried it in.